Pissing Competition

More signs of spring. Not the clocks changing – although it was nice to cycle home in daylight today, even if it did mean getting up at I-don’t-care-what-the-clock-says-it’s-still-five-fifteen in the morning. No, it’s the foxes. In the streets around us, there’s always a faint whiff of fox, but come the spring the smell gets worse, and they particularly seem to like our front garden. Apparently the only way to deter them is to have a bloke pee there, but despite London’s army of al fresco urinators, none of them has graced our front step yet and the other half for some reason is reluctant to oblige. So this morning, as I stumbled blearily out of the door, I was blasted with the rank stink of fox pee that was all over the railings, all over my bike, all over my bike lock and consequently, as I discovered when I got to Vauxhall, all over my hands. And it’s tricky stuff to get off. When a dog fox marks something, it stays marked, which meant even after repeated handwashings I could still detect a faint scent of animal urine with top notes of randy fox (I believe Jade’s latest fragrance was something similar).

Of course, when I got to the station this evening, I found that someone had liberally applied some fox deterrent to the Vauxhall underpass so my bike smelled even worse. Whether it will, as advertised, stop the foxes, I’ll have to wait and see. But I’ve a feeling it will only encourage them…

Advertisements

11 responses to “Pissing Competition

  1. I’m afraid I’m one of those ghastly people that the general public seem to hate and see as barbarous: I’m pro-hunting. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but I tend to think the fox population is on the rise and the two can’t be unrelated. Sure, they could have reformed it a little but banning something that was not only a long standing tradition but also served a good purpose and kept people in jobs seemed silly. (Not to mention the questionable ethics of using the Parliament Act to pass it when the Lords vetoed).

    So I say, bring back hunting, that’ll do for them!

  2. Please don’t kill me.

  3. I was starting to get nostalgic about Winter, having not experienced a real one for four years. Having now thoroughly caught up with the realities again (thanks Disgruntled), my nostalgia is receding rapidly.

    I do miss mammals though. Even the thought of them pissing on the rails, just outside.

  4. AMP – I wouldn’t want to go hunting myself, ever, but I was against banning it, because I’m against banning things in general. I don’t think it would do much about the urban fox population though. I like the thought of a hunt in full cry, pouring through the streets of Elephant and Castle, while the foxes hang out in underpasses, laughing at them, but I don’t think it’s very practical.

    An urban equivalent, though, with quad bikes and pitbulls instead of horses and hounds might work …

    Wendy – trust me, you don’t miss winter. Or mammal pee

  5. Quad bikes and pitbulls? I think you just described a saturday afternoon in Gateshead.

  6. what you must do is get cat to pee in a bowl and then rub that over the bike. No fox will go near it then.
    Regards John

  7. AMP – but do they get many foxes?
    John – the cure sounds worse than the disease, frankly

  8. I have gamely urinated at the various points in our hedge that the foxes slink through. It does not seem to have perturbed them.

    I tried to get the Quorn hunt to sit in my garden waiting for the fox but apparently I am too poor to be given their phone number.

  9. Clearly there’s a gap in the market here…

  10. No, you’re right. The foxes prefer the bins of the far more affluent areas out towards Northumberland. Our working class bins ain’t good enough for them.

  11. i’ve just been in essaouira in morocco and the whole town smells of cat pee, although the epicentre of pong appeared to be the riad where we were staying. not good.
    moobs – you’re only weeing in that hedge for fun – admit it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s