Dog Turd Watch

Well, the dog turd I noticed next to the bike rack – and not just any bike rack, my favourite bike rack – in the underpass at Vauxhall on Monday is still there. And why, indeed, did I ever think it might have gone? I’ve never seen the underpass being cleaned, except once by a street sweeping machine and that wouldn’t fit between the bike racks anyway. Of men with brooms I have seen nothing, although as the underpass isn’t knee deep in litter on the bike rack side, it suggests some cleaning must go on at some time – or perhaps there’s just a brisk through wind.

In the absence of any cleaning, what else might get rid of it? Its location means nobody’s going to step in it and render it invisible (if not harmless) by smearing it thinly down the rest of the underpass. So far no cyclist, however desperate for a slot for their bike, has taken the risk. It doesn’t rain in that bit of the underpass so it won’t get washed away. Enlighten me, someone. How long does it take for a dog turd to biodegrade if it’s kept out of the rain? I’m guessing weeks.

And long after it has gone, it will still remain in the memories of the cyclists who have got used to avoiding it. That rack will remain forever tainted, with nobody using the rack, and nobody quite sure why. Perhaps, in time, it will become the haunted bike rack of old Vauxhall – the one guarded by a deadly ancient curse lost in the mists of time. The one that nobody uses, guarded by the bones of other, dead, bicycles whose spirits have long passed on to bicycle valhalla


9 responses to “Dog Turd Watch

  1. …at last the return of white, in not dried up dog poo… I haven’t seen any for years

  2. I think it ought to biodegrade quickly – a half-life of about three or four days. If it’s a healthy dog turd, insects will see to it sharpish. If it’s still there after a week or so there’s probably something wrong with it.

  3. Insects? In Vauxhall? I suppose there must be some…

    I shall keep an eye on it and see if it reaches the legendary white poo stage.

  4. ooer – you’re in a valedictorian state of mind today! someone told me it takes orange peel 200 years to break down – or was that disposable nappies? ho hum. hope it’s faster than that

  5. oops that was me – i didn’t realise my daughter was still signed in. xxx

  6. Disposable nappies are about a million years, aren’t they?

  7. Dog poo doesn’t turn white anymore due to improvements in their food in recent years (!)

  8. i think what happens is that if the underpass is quite drafty it will soon go hard as the wind takes a lot of the moisture out of it. Then it will be lighter and the wind will blow it about abit which will of course spread it around.
    regards john

  9. Louise – now that’s scary

    John – mmm. Sounds lovely

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