Playing Chicken

I know I’ve said this before but I’m saying it again, only this time louder:

RIGHT! LISTEN UP RAT-BIRDS OF LONDON! THIS ONE’S FOR YOU! Those grey flappy feathery things on sides of your bodies? They’re wings. You use them for flying with. Remember flying? Up there in the air, above the traffic, out of the way of the bikes? Yeah, flying. Not waddling. So when you hear an approaching clanking rattling noise and see something cycling towards you on the road, wearing a great deal of scary yellow, you should use those grey flappy things (if they still work) to take off and get out of the way. You should NOT continue calmly pecking on whatever it is you eat on the road (your fellow pigeons?) before wandering lazily into the path of the approaching cyclist. Nor should you wait until the very last minute and then take off straight towards the cyclist because that makes the cyclist swear mightily and swerve into the path of the oncoming traffic. No, just see the cyclist, stop pecking, and fly away. All the other birds seem to manage it – why can’t you?

Meanwhile, where can I get a ‘I brake and serve wildly for pigeons’ sticker for the back of my bike?

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10 responses to “Playing Chicken

  1. Playing Pigeon surely! Take a hockey stick with you tomorrow and try playing swat the birdie.
    Only joking of course, before anyone accuses me of cruelty.

  2. hmmm… an interesting variant on bicycle polo, that

  3. Now that’s a game I always fancied playing!

  4. I’m holding out for elephant polo as an olympic sport …

  5. Pingback: PressPosts / User / MacBride / Submitted

  6. I wonder if it’s evolution? Perhaps they will go the way of the dodo if they don’t get out of the way of the traffic?

  7. I’m with you on that one! Not sure I’d like to play it though.
    Have a good weekend.

  8. re: elephant polo
    I believe a Scottish led team are currently world champions. I’m sure there is nothing to read into this whatsoever…

  9. I’m torn on this issue:

    A) Pigeons are horrible vermin and you’d be doing humanity a favour by running the f**kers over but,

    B) Anything that cause inconvenience to cyclists can’t be bad.

    What a dilemna!

    [Disclaimer: as stated on previous occasions, I love you really, regardless of your chosen mode of transport]

  10. Ian – sadly there’s no sign of them getting any fewer in number
    Sarah – that’ll be due to the superior native Scottish elephant breeding stock. er, probably.
    Steve – don’t worry, it’s win-win because if the cyclist attempts to run the pigeon over, the pigeon waits till the last moment, flies into the spokes, gets caught up in the chain and both pigeon and cyclist come a cropper.

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