Ryan Air – the ‘On Time Airline’…

… your luggage’s mileage may vary.

So, I’m back, sort of, although I think my liver may still be awol having had a bit of a workout over the last 6 days. Ryan Air got us home bang on time (complete with little self-congratulatory recorded fanfare and canned cheering – the people actually on the plane being too busy recovering from the pilot’s rather cavalier landing technique to join in) despite being a bit late getting us all on board. I thought their approach to loading the plane was a little bizzare: herding us all into the gate area until every last passenger had arrived, and only then opening the doors out to the plane, all the while cajoling us to be as quick as we could because they had a very tight landing slot to make at Stansted. Fortunately my commuting instincts kicked in and I nabbed myself a good seat by the emergency exit where I could sit and watch the luggage being loaded into the hold.

Inside all was hurry and hustle to get away; outside, a lone man in braces was thoughtfully putting one bag on the conveyor belt at a time, with two full cart-loads of luggage to go. As the stewards mimed their way through the safety demonstration, braces man was still placing each case with due care and deliberation. As the plane was ready to depart he still had a cartload to go, and a higher official intervened. Arm waving ensued. Then braces man shrugged and got into his little tractor and towed the remaining luggage out of sight under the wing. Not long afterwards, we were taxi-ing away. And I was very happy to see my little black suitcase first off the conveyor at the other end. Dirty laundry or no, it was my dirty laundry and I wanted it home. But as for the rest, who knows. Given that Ryan Air charge you 10 quid to check luggage, I hope it all got on the plane, for surely even Ryan Air wouldn’t just leave it behind to make their landing slot. Would they?

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10 responses to “Ryan Air – the ‘On Time Airline’…

  1. I was reading an article in one of the scummy free papers yesterday (I’d finished my book and still had half an hour’s commute left), about lost luggage. Or rather, luggage that had been lost and had then turned up. However, due to lack of name and address labels on the suitcases, the airlines were unable to return said suitcases to their rightful owners. They therefore get sold off at auction – the only catch being that they don’t get opened up, so the buyer doesn’t know what’s inside.

    It makes me want to wash all my clothes before coming home, quite frankly.

  2. Methinks you protest too much – go on, admit it, you like reading those trashy papers …

    My uncle once bought more than he’d bargained for at an airport auction. Scuba tanks … which turned out to be packed full of cocaine

  3. given that a missed landing time slot could mean flying in circles for hours until another time slot is free, everything is possible.

  4. ooooooooooooooo you are one BAD BOY

  5. If the landing was bad, perhaps that fanfare was due to getting down in one piece?

  6. Regarding Ryan air’s landing announcement, I understand Goebbels pioneered the use of loud speakers at the Nuremberg rallies which would play the sounds of cheering, which would fool the crowd into following suit (presumably they’d want to fit in).

  7. When I was commuting to/from Spain I noticed that Ryanair’s pilots (compared to EasyJet) tend to slam the aircraft in to the ground in order to compete in some kind of ‘get the highest number of bounces’ competition.

  8. The definition of a good landing is where everyone can walk away. The definition of a great landing is where you can use the plane again afterwards.

    Having flown some of the emergency procedures for budget airlines (don’t ask) I’ll NEVER fly with them EVER.

  9. the harder the landing the safer it is.
    The grip of the wheels on the ground is the better the “slammier” the landing is. So everyone thinking a soft landings a good one’s wrong.

    I’d rather have a hard landing but not slide across the runway than a soft landing and end up god knows where.
    I work for an aviation company so trust me, you don’t wanna know what all can possible happen while you sit and enjoy the view….

  10. Hmm, well this was kind of a one-wheel-on-the-ground and one-not sort of landing. Only for a second or two, but long enough for me to wonder …

    You’d think Ryanair would want to re-use their planes on cost grounds if nothing else. Or maybe if they crash them while we’re in it they’ve figured out a way of charging the passengers for the privilege?

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