To the Nutters of London in General…

… and the one who cornered me on the train this afternoon in particular: I am not short of blogging material. Sure it may look that way at times, but trust me I’ve a backlog of commuting tales at the moment, and even if I didn’t I’m sure I could knock something up if I had to. So I don’t really need to have you interrupt my peaceful newspaper reading session on the train with a monologue that started with the enforcement of the quiet coach policy and ended with the claim that people were trying to kill you in order to steal your music with neither a pause for breath nor a discernable thread of logic in between. Trust me on this. Still, I do appreciate the fact that you got off at Clapham Junction after only one stop as this meant I wasn’t driven to do so myself out of desperation.

Of all the seats in all the trains in London, you had to sit down next to mine…


7 responses to “To the Nutters of London in General…

  1. Ah, you too are a nutter magnet. I know that feeling. I am also a Beggar/Charity Collector Magnet: No matter how hard I scowl and frown and try to look fierce, angry and generally unpleasant these nitwits wanting my money always, always, always manage to pick me out of even the biggest crowd.

    “Look at this face! Do I look charitable? Do I look sympathetic to the plight of those less fortunate than myself? Do I look NICE?! Look at me! Can’t you read even basic body language? Get away from me you f***ing idiot!”

  2. P.S. Yes, I have issues and, yes, I am seeking professional help.

  3. Steve – there’s a joke in there somewhere about this blog attracting its fair share of ranting loonies, but I can’t quite put my finger on it…

  4. Must be something in the air. Today at Euston I saw a man swearing while looking at the train indicator. I figured there must be a big gap but no, only 3 mins. He walked to the far end of platform and swore some more before turning on his heels and repeating the manouver. He had that look like he was either going to jump or push someone so I braced myself and watched him like a hawk. When the train approached he stood right on the edge and tore off his suit jacket like he meant business, then got on the train like a normal person but still with that look in his eye.

    The sad thing is, all I could think was… “Please God don’t let him jump I’m running late, at least let him jump under the train after.”

  5. i now have a country-mouse air that attracts london loonies like a new silk tie attracts mustard. hohum

  6. I’m pleased to say that my glare is now suitably perfected and 9 times out of 10 stops potential nutters from making contact. Even chuggers hesitate, although they do sometimes still try!

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