Not Even the Whole Nine Yards

More like the six lousy feet. That’s all I had to cycle this morning to get past the last of the parked cars on the narrow one-way street so I could pull over and let Mr Maroon Cavalier pass me. Two yards. I was doing my best to hold the road, I’d looked over my shoulder twice to let him know I knew he was there (just in case he thought I was Lambeth’s only deaf-blind cyclist & had come out without my dog), and I was cycling as fast as my little legs would go. He had mere seconds to wait before he could pass me in safety. But even that was too long, for that would violate the first cardinal rule of driving like an utter twat: Car must pass bike. Car. MUST. Pass. Bike. Pass… Bike… Paaasss…Biiiike…*

So he passed. No matter that there was barely enough room. No matter that I had to use some extremely unladylike hand signals on him and his good wife to relieve my feelings on the matter. Nano-seconds had been shaved off his journey, and the honour of maroon Cavalier drivers everywhere had been upheld.

* this may also be the first cardinal rule of driving like a zombie


9 responses to “Not Even the Whole Nine Yards

  1. I’m amazed there are still maroon Cavaliers roaming the streets of London Town. The combination of make and colour strikes me as very seventies, very Reginald Perrin. Perhaps you had inadvertently cycled into a time-warp?

  2. yeah, I was surprised too. He was behaving like a Mondeo driver. But Cavaliers were the Mondeos of their day, so perhaps you’re right about the timewarp.

    He was still a twat though

  3. Ah, but haven’t Mondeo’s been over taken by Focus drivers???

    But… lets face it, some cyclists are justas much of a pain – what is it with FOOT paths?

  4. NOT me… I swear to God …

  5. D’you think that when GM/Vauxhall launched the Cavalier on us they even glimpsed the hazy day in the future when they’d be known as ‘chavaliers’ and rated equal with Allegros?

    But cyclists… if I can find the one who in Brixton High Street last Monday evening cut me up forcing me to slam on my brakes so the bus behind rear-ended me…

    No test, no insurance… would we allow no test, no insurance vehicle drivers or motorcyclists on the road?

    Of course not.

    Why do we allow no test, no insurance cyclists on the road then?

  6. vishal_sawant

    😀 the one about footpaths – something I saw really took the cake. A cyclist in St. Albans cycles only on the footpaths, uses a pedestrian crossing to CROSS the road and expects cars to stop for her like they have to for pedestrians! JeeeeZ…hope someone knocks her over one day

    I asked one of my colleagues why cyclists using the road think it is beneath their dignity to stop for actual pedestrians using a crossing – he said it is too much of an effort to stop and then build up momentum all over again! Must remember that before ‘bothering’ to change gears and stopping for my favourite lady cyclist in St. Albans!

  7. OK, OK, some cyclists and some car drivers are as bad as each other, but there is a huge difference between being hit by a bike and being hit by a car …

  8. vishal_sawant

    I agree…but believe me, there are more complaints from PEDESTRIANS about cyclists than about cars. Forget the car drivers – they are probably just jealous of the money the cyclist is saving on petrol, road tax, etc But that cyclist is not the only one I have seen breaking the law, and being inconsiderate in general.

    And there are fines, etc. for cars if they break the law – a cyclist goes scot free. Has any policeman enforcedt the 50 penalty for riding a cycle on the pavement? It is in the Highway Code I believe!

  9. Well, that’s something to take up with the police, not with the cyclists…

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