The police, having thoroughly terrified the pedestrian population of Lambeth, are now targeting the car drivers. All those lampposts not advertising the presence of the MP3-player branch of the thieves’ guild, now have scary yellow ‘SaferLambeth’ (the camel case is theirs) signs addressing motorists thus:
‘Have you locked your vehicle?’
Well, duh. To paraphrase the late great P.G. Wodehouse, you’d have to look at Lambeth for a long time before you mistook it for Dorset. In the Fifties. Still, it’s the year end, you know, so they’ve got to spend their budget on something.
I’m just waiting for them to notice us cyclists and for the bike racks at Vauxhall to sprout their own yellow signs saying something like ‘Leaving your bike here? Are you insane?’ or ‘Look, just stay at home under the duvet, why don’t you, it’s safer.’
I would, but I’m frightened of burglars.