Reducing Crime, Disorder and Damn, what was the other one again?*

I could get used to this walking to work lark, especially in the city where everyone is required by law to walk at a minimum speed of 4mph. But once I get to Lambeth, not only does the ambling start again, but every lamp post seems to have sprouted a bright yellow sign put up by the local police. This shows a large menacing hoody looming threateningly over a slightly camp weedy chap with an iPod and is intended to warn us that theives are targeting MP3 players in this very street. Your phone will be fine (if you can prove to the hoody there’s no music on it) and you can more or less leave your laptop lying about if you want to – although not in the next street, of course, where the laptop thieves operate and iPod wearers can gurn to their music with impunity.

WTF? Has the Thieves’ Guild actually started operating in London and carved up their territories already? And what, exactly, do Lambeth Police expect us to do with this information? Sit at home whimpering? Or is it just some cunning ruse to reassure the old folk that they will be safe as long as they don’t get one of those portable gramophone player things? I suppose if we all just stay at home under the bedcovers that’s going to reduce street crime fairly dramatically … but I’m not entirely persuaded this is exactly what the politicians had in mind when they set those targets.

* oh yeah, fear.


9 responses to “Reducing Crime, Disorder and Damn, what was the other one again?*

  1. We have similar ads here! Not area specific tho, they tell us not to have our phones or iPods visible. How you’re supposed to use either without some visible hint to the thieves is quite beyond me!

  2. i wish i could walk to work it is about a mile from where i live to where i work but the area is flooded so i have to drive 5 miles and it takes me longer.

    regards john

  3. mad muthas – indeed, the ambling menace must be tackled, and soon

    AMP- I think you’re supposed to go home and use your mobile there. Or join the mad people and get a bluetooth headset

    John – er, boat?

  4. How I dream of a world were everyone did walk at 4mph and above, meanwhile I’ll have to continue weaving my way through the ambling crowd.

  5. MC – I’ve found the city not too bad for ambling so far, anywhere outside the square mile is pretty impossible though… we can dream, eh?

  6. Are the hoodies targeting ALL MP3 players or only iPods? I’ve got an iRiver – what’s the Theiees’ Guild’s policy on those?

  7. Well, the picture looked like an iPod but the sign said MP3 players in general. You’d need to take it up with your guild representative to get a definitive answer

  8. Pingback: Lock Up your … Well Just About Everything, Really « Disgruntled Commuter

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