What is the point – oh SouthWest Trains – of putting up ‘Due to a fault no information can be displayed’ on your information boards? I suppose that way we know you’re not wilfully withholding it from us. Although sometimes I wonder. There was some sort of signalling-related gridlock going on this morning and at one point we had two out-of-service trains, one on platform three and one on platform four, both held at a red signal, and the only announcement we got was a slightly frantic one urging us to stand well back behind the yellow lines. Whether that was because they were about to explode, or whether they just didn’t want our grubby fingerprints on their shiny new trains was never explained. Anyway, when the guy finally came on the tannoy and was just about to tell us where the next train would be going he was cut off abruptly with nothing but a faint gurgle, and the rest was silence. No doubt the SWT gestapo tracked him down in his secret location and put a stop to his broadcasting of classified train destination information to the hoi polloi.
‘For you, station-master, ze war is over …’