Woo hoo! SouthWest Trains have recorded a new announcement to amuse us while we stand on the platform at Kew Bridge, awaiting our fate or the 17:41, whichever arrives sooner. ‘Pickpockets are known to operate at this station,’ it warns us, and – after the standard exhortations to keep all our belongings with us at all times – goes on to suggest we should be extra vigilant ‘when using the telephones, or while waiting to buy a ticket’ Well, you’d be waiting a long time to buy a ticket at Kew Bridge, because there’s nowhere to buy one. Nor, indeed, are there any telephones.
Perhaps they’ve all been stolen?