Jogging for Fun and Profit

If there’s anything worse than going for a run, it’s being overtaken while going for a run. And if there’s anything worse than being overtaken, it’s being overtaken by people who still have breath enought to talk to each other as they pass. And if there’s anything worse than that, it’s overhearing that the thing they’re using all that spare breath to talk about as they breeze past is the size of their city bonus and how it would have enabled them to go out and buy a house outright ‘only it wasn’t worth it financially for me…’ If you are so well off, how come you can’t just pay people to go out running for you, huh? Huh?

So if you must overtake the little slow people, please try and keep your mouth shut as you pass as we only find it discouraging. Or if you can’t do that, and Lord I know some people find it hard, then at least boast about how you gave your enormous city bonus away to some deserving charity such as this one. That way I won’t feel compelled to accelerate after you and try to wrestle you to the ground, if only I could ever catch you up…

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16 responses to “Jogging for Fun and Profit

  1. I think the ability to boast is a requirement for working in The City.

    (My secret word says TRIPA, an idea for the next one that breezes past, possibly…)

  2. You have two options,

    1, wear a pair of headphones that way you can’t hear them chatting, mind you you can’t hear the bus that will run you over either.

    2, go to a gym and use the tread mill, that way no one over takes you.

    I used to run for my school years ago, ok a good few years ago, however now I couldn’t run for toffee as I’m knackered after 50 yards, or is it meters nowaday

  3. You need to carry some Bolas with you when you go jogging. I’m sure you could knock some up from 3 old tennis balls.

  4. They’re the same scumbags that hog the treadmills in the gym for 40 mins! Still, one fell off this week while trying to out sprint scumbag 2, it was brilliant!

  5. Station supervisor – well I was going to say treadmills were too boring,until I read utopiana’s comment …

    Chaotic – those might just work

  6. treadmills are wrose. People can see how long you;ve been running (34 seconds) at what pace (snail’s resting) and incline (flat) and see how pink in the face you look, and covered in sweet. At least in the park or streets, you can pretend this is your 17th mile.

  7. Cookie – that’s true. I always try to do my 3 mile run looking as though I’m in the last stages of a marathon…

  8. Little Legs Dad

    Thats why I stick to swimming.

  9. Next year they will all get redundant so make sure you have jogging kit available for the Schadenfreude circuit.

  10. I always run in headphones; I’m fine as long as I remember to look behind me when overtaking walkers on the cycle route. Ouch.

  11. Id recommend a brisk walk instead. I find a daily 40 min. constitutional works wonders for the head, and healthy types tell me its good for the heart and lungs etc. Whats more, no garish equipment is required and ones only dangers are from colour-blind motorists (who cant tell a red light from a green one) and sociopathic cyclists (who seem intent on removing the scourge of pedestrianism from our streets). Oh, and theres also the danger of doing a Mary Poppins off Vauxhall Bridge, into the Thames, as I discovered during this mornings mighty wind.

  12. LLD – I suppose with swimming there’s less talking, although it’s usually me doing the overtaking, or stuck behind someone who thinks just because he’s doing the crawl he belongs in the fast lane

    Moobs – can’t wait.

    Bored – oh, was that you? Hope you got the tyre-track marks out of your t-shirt eventually

    EPD – I walk as well as run, but sadly the heart and lungs don’t get the same proper workout as when you run. I do swear off the garish equipment at all times, (with the exception of the scary yellow bike jacket) I’ve never seen why runners should inflict their lycra on anyone…

  13. PS thanks for the title of today’s post …

  14. just stick your foot out as they pass and watch them (and their city bonus) go sprawling. my husband was once trudging up some peak in the lake district, equipped like captain oates (but no ponies), puffing and panting when he heard a rhythmic crunching noise. coming up behind him was a fell runner in shorts, t-shirt and plimmies, with enough breath to give him a cheery greeting before he sped off up the incline. grrr

  15. My pleasure DC. Although, as I’m sure you know, Messers. Cook, Moore, Miller and Bennett deserve the real credit.

    http://www.epicure.demon.co.uk/endworld.html

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