Some things I learned on my travels this weekend, in no particular order:
That just because you have printed out nice instructions on how to drive from A to B in a car in London, doesn’t mean you don’t also need instructions on how to drive back from B to A, such is the fiendishness of the London one-way system.
That things look very different from the passenger seat of a car than they do from the pavement … As I confidently navigated my sister in entirely the wrong direction round an unfamiliar looking junction, I suddenly realised it was my old friend and nemesis Vauxhall Cross, but it was too late because we were already halfway to Battersea.
That it’s possible to overcome fiendish and unexpected one way systems, confident misdirections by your non-driving navigator and unannounced closed roads with flair and panache, but not with a two-year-old in the back seat. The full text of those ‘Baby on Board’ stickers should actually read: ‘Baby on Board; driver distracted by urgent need to deal with dangerous imaginary spiders.’
That it’s not possible to buy a period return to Leigh-on-Sea, and nobody knows the reason why.
That Tilbury Town station – fortunately – has the fastest pin-number machine in the Western hemisphere.
That people in Essex really do own their own patio heaters, thereby giving their homes all the charm and ambience of a pub beer garden.
And that there is a God … and He has a sense of humour.