Rubber Ducky, You’re the One


1. And on the Eighth day, the advertising people came to God and said, ‘God we have a problem’

2. And the advertising people also said, ‘God, while you were resting, we’ve been busy filling every available surface of the planet with advertising. Yea, even as we speak we have just put adverts onto the ticket barriers at Vauxhall station even though they are mostly broken and more likely to piss people off than anything. And we wondered if you could help us.’

3. And God did ask, ‘What about the foreheads of the passengers?’ forgetting that advertising people did not do Irony

4. And they did respond, ‘Their foreheads have all been auctioned to Golden Palace Casinos on eBay,’ making God wish that He’d rested on the sixth day instead of making Man as He had intended to, had He not been tempted by getting double time working on a weekend.

5. So God did sigheth and say, ‘Well I’m not making you lot any more planets, what do you want Me to do about it?’

6. So the advertising people did say unto Him, ‘We want you to make a yellow bath and put it outside Lambeth North station and fill it with water, if that’s not too difficult.’

7. And God grew wrathful and said, ‘You know very well it’s not My fault there’s a drought, it’s the water companies’ drought, don’t you lot read the Evening Standard?’ and created the bath and the water that was in it and placed it outside Lambeth North just to show them.

8. And the advertising people said unto God that they would fill the bath with rubber ducks and leave them there for people to take, making God ask ‘What’s the point of that?’ even though He had a sneaking suspicion He was supposed to know these things being omniscient and everything.

9. And the advertising people did explain that people would take photographs of it with their mobile phones and blog about it and put the name of their advertising company all over the internet without them having to pay Google to do it for them.

10. And lo it came to pass that the people did take photographs of the bath with their mobile phones and blog about it on the Internet

11. And lo it also came to pass that all the stickers had fallen off the ducks because the advertising people hadn’t made them waterproof and so nobody could tell what the advertising was about.

12. And God looked at it and saw that it was good.



6 responses to “Rubber Ducky, You’re the One

  1. brilliant

    i must go and fill up on ducks

  2. I’ve got most of them in my bath here … reckoned that would count as my fee

  3. What a hoot! (or should that be quack). That duck looks rather forlorn.

    This entry is well worth a sweetie that we can’t give any more. Humour me and pretend anyway.

  4. OK, one pretend sweetie gratefully accepted. I’ll feed it to the duck (don’t worry I got it three friends to keep it company)

    He does look a bit forlorn now you come to mention it

  5. Well duck me! Have you seen this? I had noticed on the tube escalators that there were electronic advertising boards, now you won’t able to escape.

    At my local station, which i fortuantely don’t have to use that often, the local guru and annoyance to all reckons that the projectors will be inside the trains next year. So you’ve got pictures of ducks to look forward to, bet the don’t miss off the logo though.

  6. They’ve already got the screens in some of the buses …And I saw an LCD screen on the outside of a bus (which was itself broken down … there’s a moral there somwhere when the only thing moving are the adverts). We can’t escape. Doesn’t anybody read any more? Bah… give me rubber ducks any day

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