I try not to talk back to the radio too much – the little people inside it can’t hear you, you know – but an item this morning really got my goat. According to the review of the morning papers, one of the red tops (sorry, really can’t be bothered to give them the oxygen of publicity by linking to them and besides I was too busy ranting at the radio to remember which one it was) was complaining that a motorist had been fined for soaking a council worker by speeding through a puddle and had three points docked off his licence. Apparently, this just contributes to the sense of persecution that drivers are currently feeling. Sense of persecution? Drivers? How do they think pedestrians feel when they’ve just been drenched from head to foot in muddy puddle water by a now-departed driver? Pleasantly refreshed? In my opinion (and I admit I’m biased) drivers don’t get persecuted enough. But I am immensely cheered by the news (and it was news to me) that drivers can get points* for inconsiderate driving. But let’s not stop at soaking council workers and other pedestrians. When the tarrif of penalties are drawn up, I hope the following crimes against pedestrians can be taken into account:
1. Taking advantage of timidity on the part of people using zebra crossings to accelerate as you approach them so they don’t dare exercise their right of way – 3 points.
2. Creeping across crossings in nose-to-tail traffic so that when the little green man finally does come on, the route is completely blocked by car drivers wearing their ‘pedestrian? what pedestrian?’ blinkers and we have a choice between walking in front and getting run over or walking behind and choking on your exhaust – 2 points with an extra bonus point for gunning your engine when the pedestrian’s right in front of you
3. Turning into a side road while a pedestrian is attempting to cross it without first checking whether the poor sod was intending to commit suicide that day or was just going about their normal business & assuming that the car drivers actually knew their Highway Code – 3 points, or 4 if you then hooted to get the pedestrian out of your way.
Come on Tony Blair. You know this makes sense. More sense than banning drinking on trains, anyway.
* and what do points mean? Disqualification! So you can join the rest of us poor sods on the pavement and see how you like it then.